


On To Future Days

by Raelae



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:06:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raelae/pseuds/Raelae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their journey finally over, Ellie and Joel make it back to Tommy's settlement to settle into a somewhat normal life. But Joel's lie still hangs heavy on Ellie and a rift slowly forms between them. Ellie knows he lied, and is angry and hurt as to why he lied. Joel is scared of what she'll think of him if he tells her. Best way he can answer his dilemma is to take it a step at a time, and maybe start by fulfilling one thing he promised her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	On To Future Days

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this came about from the One Night Only thing that the voice actors had done sometime back. For those of us who could not attend...we were unable to see the secret ending. And no, not the singing one. Though that is the best thing ever. But anyway, there was an extra skit at the end that I'm sure most of you know about, but we'll never see. I did find some things that people wrote about it, explaining what happened, so I worked it into a story. That part is at t he end of the story, and is so little information, that I still had to make up a good portion of it just like the rest of the story leading up to it. But some of what they say is allegedly what was spoken? Don't know. 
> 
> The song at the end was sung by Troy Baker for this final skit and it's a song called Future Days by Pearl Jam.

It was a relief to Joel to see the sanctuary of Tommy's town after the events in Salt Lake City. He hadn't been sure till the spring of that year, that he would really come back here. But after the events of the winter...well things had changed. That little girl had managed to get his passed out ass to safety and keep him alive somehow. That mixed with what happened to her after...well...things had changed between them. And honestly...he couldn't rightly call her a little girl anymore, not with everything she had endured. She'd been through things Joel was positive most kids wouldn't be able to handle.

But Ellie wasn't just any kid, she'd shown that soon as they had met. Her first action when they met was to try to stab him, thinking he was hurting Marlene...if she had known what would happen in the future...she may have just done it rather than be reined back by Marlene.

He sighed a bit, about to move them on down into the town when Ellie stopped him. She went on about what had happened in Boston, bout' not being alone when she was bit. About Riley.  
He didn't miss the slight flicker in her eyes at mentioning the name, but he left things unsaid. He knew that look well though, the one you take when mentioning someone that means more to you than you're willing to let on.

He finally said something, trying his best to help her with whatever turmoil was going through her right now.

“I struggled for a long time with survivin. And you...no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for. Now, I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but it's...”

She huffed a bit, cutting him off and for a minute he thought she was going to go off on some tirade.

“Swear to me. Swear to me that everything you said about the Fireflies is true.”

Caught off guard, his mouth moved a bit and he straightened slightly, he'd been wondering if she questioned what he told her.  
And so he paused for a moment, a long enough moment that he was sure would look bad for him, before he finally spoke.

“I swear.”

She was quiet for a moment too before responding. “Okay.”

And that was that. No more was said on it, in fact as time went on, very little was said about anything. Ellie hadn't really been all that talkative as It was before they got back to the settlement, though he had managed a few conversations out of her on the way to the hospital. He knew the reason behind all that though, but neither he nor Ellie wanted to dwell on that one. Least...not right now. He knew they'd have to face that one a bit more one day but...that all depended on her.

This silence though...this one was different. He was pretty sure now that she didn't believe what he had told her. Earlier on, something like this would have earned him an ear full of swear words and whatever cuss words she could make up on the spot. Stuff a mother would want to wash your mouth out for. And right now...he'd rather have that over this. She wasn't really saying much to him at all. 

He started wondering if not telling her was a good idea, but he knew it'd be just as bad telling her the truth. He hadn't completely lied to her, sure. It was all a half truth. He had found a recording that did make it sound like they had worked on many more like her, none of them living of course. Hearing that had made his resolve even stronger, getting her out of there.  
So that part hadn't really been a lie, just the part about them no longer looking for a cure. And then there was Marlene. She had meant something to Ellie, and he killed her to keep her from coming after them. 

There really wasn't a night that the hospital incident didn't play out in his head. He understood Marlene, he did. Now that Ellie was no longer in danger, and they were away from all that, he had time to sit down and think.

Sacrificing Ellie was the last thing Marlene had wanted to do, he could hear the turmoil in her voice, talking about Ellie's mother and having to watch over the girl. And saving the world...hell now, that would be anyone’s strong point in a conversation like this.

But Ellie was just a kid, a kid about to die for the sake of humanity. If it was an adult, someone who could really understand the scope of it all, and make the decision accordingly...well that would have been a different story he was sure. Didn't mean it would hurt less, but he would have lost that battle in the end.

But a kid...that should not be a child’s fate. That's what he told himself, but he knew that mostly he was just being greedy. He let himself get too close, he let himself care. And now...losing Ellie was like losing Sarah all over again, and he sure as hell wasn't having that. And so anyone who got in his way...had to die.

He'd been brutal before, a person had to be in a world like this. But as he thought back, he realized his blows were a lot more brutal, his shots more spot on. Every one of those men were as much liable for whatever happened to Ellie as Marlene was, and so they deserved no quarter.

If Ellie had been able to see any of that...

He couldn't deny that he had fallen into a dark place after that, thinking about how unforgiving he had become in that moment. That wasn't fighting for survival, it was pure slaughter. Well maybe that wasn't exactly true, it was survival for Ellie, it was damnation for him and probably humanity. But he was already damned...and by this point he believed humanity was too. The Infected started the downfall, but people sped it on. Soon as society fell, rules went out the window. People stole and murdered and raped...did humanity really deserve to have the world back?

 

The days just kept going on, though to him they felt like years. Everyday became a struggle of getting up, or just deciding to rot away in bed. Not to mention he downed a bit more alcohol than he would normally. He'd been here before...and it wasn't good. He was a mess after Sarah died. He blamed himself for not tossing her to the side or...keeping his back turned instead of letting momentum carry him around again. He could have took that bullet that killed her. It would hurt her yeah, but kids should never die before their parents...just wasn't right.

And so he had boozed up and bashed in heads...became a shell of himself and scared the shit out of Tommy. 

...and he was here again. He knew how stubborn Ellie was, he knew how pain effected her. He really wasn't sure she'd forgive him, and frankly she really didn't have to.

He kept this new dark side hidden from her best as he could, which was hard to do when you lived in the same house. The fact she stayed with him being a bit of a surprise.

But he knew he was probably failing miserably at hiding it. When your eyes look a bit blank and you smell like you swam in a pool of Bourbon...wasn't anyone that couldn't see that.

Tommy noticed that they both needed something to fill up their time, and put their minds on other things mostly. So he got them both on their feet and assigned them jobs. Joel may have been his older brother, and Ellie pretty much his niece now, but that didn't excuse them from work.

He decided for now, it was best to have them work separate, keeping them with people that could ease them down a bit. He knew Maria would be perfect for Ellie, so he partnered them together, having Ellie help her with repairs. The wall being her first objective.

He kept Joel with him of course. He would be much more up front with him, having been through this before. His first course of business was to make Joel show him where all his alcohol was hidden. This went about as well as anyone would think it would.

“Goddammit Tommy, stop treating me like some damn kid. I'm fine.”

“Oh yeah, you're fine. You're perfectly fine. You just like to drink yourself stupid every night so you don't have to face up to things. You've got a little girl to think about dammit!”

“...I lied to her Tommy. She won't even talk to me anymore.”

“Well then maybe you should be the one to start talkin.”

Joel only huffed and turned away from him, waving his hand dismissively.

“Don't start this shit with me again Joel, not again. I seen you this way once before and I won't see you this way again. You're falling apart, just like when Sarah...you turned into a right scary man after that big brother.”

“Never asked you to stay around babysittin me.”

“Never asked...goddammit Joel you're my fucking brother! You were the only family I had left, WE were the only family we had left. I sure as shit wasn't going to lose you...you would have done the same if the roles had been reversed.”

“...”

“...if I wasn't there for you...if I hadn't come back home when I did...if I'd only been just a slight bit slower in getting to your room...goddammit Joel. You have no idea what it feels like to throw a door open and see your brother sittin there with the barrel of a gun in his mouth...”

Tommy let out a long sigh and reached for one of the old wooden chairs at the table, pulling it out and settling heavily in it.

“Something told me to get back early that day. Now I ain't one to believe in god, who could with the world going to shit like it has. But it doesn't change the fact somethin told me to get back there. You'd be dead now if I hadn't...then where would that little girl be? She's only alive because of you...I sure as shit don't think she'd have made it to Salt Lake City without you, she'd have died along the way.”

Joel didn't say anything to that, just went to occupying his eyes with the floor.

“Joel...” Tommy started, patting another chair across from him. Joel took the cue and sat down.

“You were meant to live that day, and although it took twenty years to get here...I think it was meant for that little girl. You are the reason she's alive, and she's the reason you are. She's also the reason why I got to see the way my brother was before all this started. Caring and happy. You may not be on speaking terms right now but, I still see you brighten right up whenever she steps in a room. You're proud of her, just as proud as you always were for Sarah. Now they both had two very different paths to be on but, they both still went for what they believed.”

“...you don't get it Tommy. This is...this is real bad. This is...something she could really hate me for and honestly...I'm not even sure if I lied to her to protect her. Think I lied more to protect myself. I couldn't handle...losing another little girl. I couldn't. Not again. I almost lost her too Tommy...I nearly lost her...twice in fact in a short amount of time...Three times if you go back a bit...and those are just the worst instances...”

“But you didn't Joel. Hell, that kid could probably make the devil himself piss his pants, she don't go down easy. Now the way you make it sound, she was a right firecracker before, but now with everything I'm sure you taught her...”

“Hn. Shit no kid should ever have to be taught. How to conserve ammo, where to aim to make a quick kill...”

“Well in this world brother...morals are kinda dead. There are few people in this world who won't at least kill one person in their life, and maybe twice as many infected. And the point is if we don't teach em' that...they ain't gonna make it long in this world. But hell, that little girl ain't one of em'. She'll make it, and she'll get over this eventually. Heh, one day she may even start calling you dad rather than Joel. I'm sure that ones a promise.”

“...you know...I'm supposed to be the big brother here...givin advice...” Joel said quietly, attempting at a joke.

“Heh. Then start acting like one. Pick yourself off the ground, clean yourself up, and talk to Ellie.”

Joel only nodded, knowing Tommy was very right.

 

While Tommy was doing his best to save his brother from himself, Ellie was off with Maria, walking the length of the wall and making a visual inspection. What she was visually looking for, Ellie wasn't sure. She just scanned the wall and looked for nicks and cracks, whatever made her look busy while her mind otherwise wandered.

She was still pondering on Joel, wondering why after all they had been through, he'd decide to lie to her at the last moment. This how he really was? Was he some kind of...habitual liar or something in reality? Somehow she wasn't so sure about that one, he just didn't seem the type to get through life by lying through his teeth. He was a man of action, except for this time. For whatever reason, he decided not to tell her the truth, and it scared her. She wasn't use to being lied to by him.

She'd gotten use to everything else of course. The gruff man he was, his need to keep her at a distance, his eventual awkward attempts at becoming a caring man again. All that was easy compared to trying to figure what was going through his mind now. She could figure it out before, although it took putting more pieces together, she did eventually figure out why he kept her at a distance. He was just more frustrating at that time because he bounced between being a bit more open to her and letting her help to cover his ass, to just plain trying to push her off on someone else and try to forget she existed. She gave him the benefit of the doubt since Maria told her about Sarah...but it didn't mean words stung any less. She was almost surprised at how much it hurt to hear him say she wasn't his daughter, and he sure as hell wasn't her father. And then solidifying the fact he was leaving her behind, going their separate ways. She realized in that moment...just how much she needed him. How much she wanted him to stay. But she knew he wouldn't, and it was all because of her.

And then...just as quickly she found herself back on the journey with him again. Shit, and they say women have multiple mood swings. She felt like he had the worst mood swings of the male world.

“Ellie!?”

She shook her head as Maria's words finally hit her ears.

“Uh...yeah, sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if you were alright. You were just standing there staring at the wall.”

She took in her position at that moment and noticed she was indeed quite a few feet behind Maria, staring at a spot on the wall with a chip in it that looked suspiciously like a dog. Or at least she thought so.

“...sorry. I was just...thinking too much I guess. Lost track of what I was doing...”

“...come here Ellie. I think maybe...it's time you and me had a little girl time.”

“...girl time?”

Maria laughed a bit and sat on the ground, leaning her back against the wall. She patted the spot next to her, inviting Ellie to come over and take a seat.

“Well, you see, back before all this people had the time to just...relax and talk. Sometimes...talking about things that were bothering them. Now, sweetie, I know Joel ain't much for talking but...I hope that hasn't rubbed off on you.”

Ellie looked at her for a moment before walking over and plopping down next to her on the ground.

“...he lied to me Maria...I don't know why but he did...”

“...lied about what?”

“What happened back in Salt Lake. I...I was out the whole time...kinda nearly drowned. Next thing I know...I wake up in the back of a truck with some hospital gown on...and he says they didn't need me...”

“...I'm sure he had a reason...”

Ellie cut her off before she could elaborate further. “I Had a hospital gown on Maria...if they didn't need me then why the hell was I wearing it? Something happened there...and he doesn't want to tell me what...”

Maria went quiet for a moment, looking up to the sky like it or the clouds in them might have some sort of answer.

“...” Finally she looked back at Ellie, lifting her chin up a bit as she noticed tears forming in her eyes. “You've been traveling with Joel for a real long time, long enough to see the many sides of him, how he reacts. This side though...well, it's new to you. Joel...well you know he's a hurtin man, and he's entering back into a part of life he left behind a real long time ago. It's not easy for him...and I suppose maybe part of it might be he's afraid what you'll say.”

Ellie didn't say anything in response, just plucked some blades of grass from the ground and inspected them like they held some important meaning to them.

Maria gently put her hand on Ellie's, lowering them and trying to bring her attention back to her.

“Ellie...I can't speak from experience but...most adults understand it well enough. Being a parent...it's not easy. Sometimes...family hurt each other. They don't mean to but...tempers flare and words get spoken that aren't meant. And at the same time...things don't get spoken. To protect their children...sometimes parents have to walk a fine line between what's best...and what might hurt. And sometimes lying, well, it's the lesser of two evils. Parents, good parents anyway...well sometimes they have to lie to protect those they love. A lie ain't a good thing but, sometimes it is needed. And Joel, well, he's got a long ways to go yet. I think as soon as he finds his feet again...gets use to being in this role again...he will tell you what happened. Sometimes...even if you want to know real bad...you have to be patient. Especially when you're dealing with someone who's been emotionally repressed for ages.”

Ellie sighed, thinking through Maria's words. She knew she was right, Joel was a mess. You didn't need a...what was it they always said for things like this? You didn't need to be a rocket scientist to see it?

“I guess you're right.” She said at last as she tilted her head back against the wall and looked up at the sky. She ran a hand over her head to wipe some sweat away, wishing like crazy that she could roll her sleeves up. But with that bite mark it was just too risky, but goddamn was it getting to be hot for an early spring day.

“Just give him some time.” Maria's continued, earning Ellie's attention again. “And when he does talk...just hear him out. Don't jump down his throat right away okay?” She gave a little laugh at that, knowing full well how Ellie could get. Joel hadn't neglected in telling them stories about that.

“Alright.” Ellie answered before returning her gaze back to the sky. It wasn't the act of the lie that was bothering her so much anymore, it was more what the lie entailed now.

 

 

Things still went at an agonizingly slow pace. They still talked very little but, Joel did the best he could. He no longer turned to the bottle, choosing instead to center on his duties and on helping Ellie. Even if that meant having a very uncomfortable conversation about what really happened in Salt Lake at some point.

A few weeks after they had gotten there, he finally came up with something that might work. To break the ice at least...he hoped.

He made his way towards Ellie's room, hesitating a bit as he stopped in front of her door. And went through everything in his head again, trying to remember what he wanted to say to her. But he figured it was going to sound like he was reading a script or something, so instead he decided to just wing it. Just be his awkward self when it came to things like this.

He raised his hand, balling it and holding it over the door for a moment, still worried about how it would all turn out. Finally he just swallowed, and knocked.

Nothing.

He tried again.

Still nothing.

He knocks again, this time opening the door after and calling her name. He saw her across the room, sitting in a swivel chair at her desk. He made his way over to her after calling her name a few more times, lightly tapping her shoulder.

She jumped, startled. She hadn't heard him because she had headphones on, listening to her Walkman while writing something.

“I didn't mean to scare you.”

She stood and gave him a little wave before taking her headphones off and leaning on her desk. She stayed quiet for what felt like forever to Joel, and the awkward pause made his mind freeze up.

“What's up?” She asked at last.

Quiet fell again, the room almost feeling thick with the tension that hung between them. She knew. Any doubt about that had dwindled long ago, and she was angry with him. And this anger was so deep that it actually got her to a point where she couldn't say anything. She more than likely didn't know what to say to him, or how to say it. Such is what happens when you get so angry with someone that your mind stops working.

“I just...” He finally started, his eyes falling to the floor subconsciously. “...Just...we haven't talked in a real long while and I just...wanted to check on you. See how you're doing...I mean...when you ain't helping out you just sort of sit around in here all day. I uh...saw a bunch of kids playing earlier today, having a water gun fight. Woulda thought maybe you woulda wanted to join in...I mean it's been getting warm and it's a good way to cool off...have some fun...”

She only shook her head, speaking quickly. “There's a lot of work that has to be done on the outer wall. Maria really needs me out there and...well there's just no time for that kind of thing.”

His head was bowed a bit low now, chin more towards his chest, but his eyes were back up to look at her. He didn't say anything right away and instead moved to sit on the corner of her bed.

“You know...everyone's really impressed with all the hard work you put in here. But...you know kiddo...it's okay to take a break from time to time...don't wanna burn yourself out...and there's more to life than just work. Even in this world.”

She said nothing to that, wasn't even looking at him anymore in fact. He could see this was getting him no where, so he decided to change up the subject.

“Tommy uh...he's got me in with the militia here now...and uh...well...things have calmed down out there somewhat. Heh...don't remember things feeling this peaceful actually...even if it's only a bit.” Then he let out a small chuckle as something else popped to mind.

“You know...Tommy's paired me up with this real nice lady...her names Ester.” He chuckled again. “Think Tommy wants us to get hitched or something. She's uh...she's got a real good sense of humor Ellie...I think you'd like her. Why just the other day she told me one of them jokes you like...now how did it go...?”

He trailed off, sitting there with his eyes concentrating on the floor, trying to remember for the life of him how exactly that joke had went. He just kept mumbling to himself, almost as it he'd forgotten she was there.

“...it's getting late Joel. There's a lot of additional repairs we have to do to the outer wall tomorrow and...well it's going to be a long day...”

He glanced back to her, the words hitting him hard as she pretty much blew him off. It hurt, it really did, and it just proved to him just how much his lying had effected her.

He shook his head a bit to recover himself before getting up. “I have something to show you. It'll just take a minute. One minute.”

Before she could say anything otherwise, he had turned and left the room, returning a short time later with a guitar.

“What's that supposed to be?” She asked, a bit of sarcasm to her tone.

~”Sarcasm...making progress.”~ He thought as he remembered something she had said once, but left it unvoiced to her.

“Well, I done hear that some people call this a gui-tar.” He said, putting on the heaviest Texan accent that he could, which for obvious reasons wasn't a stretch for him.

He actually managed a small chuckle from her for that.

“I know that. But what's it for?”

Joel sat down on her bed again, fixing the guitar in place. “Well actually...I've been working on this song for some time here you see...I started working on it...well, that's not important.”

“...” Ellie took a seat in her swivel chair again, pulling one leg up to her chest and watched him, waiting for him to start.

He took a few minutes to settle himself, knowing the emotions hidden behind this song. He'd started it for Sarah in reality, but he finished it for Ellie. So in a sense, this was for both of them.  
After a deep breath, he started to slowly strum at the strings.

His voice was somber when he started, and she could hear the years of pain pouring out in them.

~If I ever were to lose you,  
I'd surely lose myself  
Everything that I have here,  
I've not found by myself,  
Try and sometimes you'll succeed,  
To make this man of me  
All of my stolen missing parts  
I've no need for them anymore~

She said nothing as she watched him, transfixed by how much his words effected her. She knew how much he had changed during their journey, how much he cared for her...feared for her. How much of a father he had become...even though he had swore once he was not...

She trained her ears as she listened to more of the song.

 

~All the promises at sundown,  
I meant them like the rest,  
All the demons used to come 'round,  
I'm grateful now they've left  
So persistent in my ways,  
Hey angel, I am here to stay  
No resistance, no alarms, please this is just too good to be gone  
I believe,  
And I believe 'cause I can see,  
Our future days,  
Days of you and me,  
You and me,  
It's you and me~

As Joel strummed the last bit of the tune, Ellie brought her hands up to her eyes and wiped at them slowly, trying to remove the tears that had started to stream down her face. She regretted being so distant to him now, and wanted nothing more than to get back to how things once were. She knew him well enough now to know that any lie he felt he had to commit...was only for her sake.

“That was Beautiful Joel.” She said at last, her voice coming out a bit quietly though. That thickness that had held in the air not long before had all but dissipated, leaving only what should have been there in the first place. A father who cared for his daughter and would give her the world if he could.

“Thank you.” He says at last before getting up and holding out the guitar to her.

“What...I can't play Joel.”

“I know...but I promised you that I would teach you how to play guitar. Take it. It's yours.”

Ellie was quiet as she looked up at him, surprised he'd remembered his promise. It felt like it had been ages since he made it after all.

Finally she reached out and took hold of it.

“You did.”

Silence stretched between them again, but this time not the awkward one that had for weeks now.

“Welp.” He said at last. “It's getting late and we both need our rest.”

He turned and headed for the door, listening as the chair Ellie sat in squeaked a bit as she sat back against the rest.

“What was the joke you heard the other day?” Ellie asked, watching him as she had effectively stopped him at he doorway.

He paused a minute before turning around, a soft smile on his face. 

“What's the hardest part about eating clocks?” He almost shook his head at how dumb that sounded to him.

Ellie only shook her head, throwing her arms up to tell him she had no idea.

Joel smirked, this time actually shaking his head a bit. “It's time consuming.”

They both laughed a bit, the first true laughter to actually fill this old house.

“That's pretty bad.” Ellie admitted, smiling back at him.

“Yeah. It's one of the worst I've heard. Well, goodnight Ellie.”

Joel turned and walked for the door again, his hand lingering on the door frame for a bit before he slowly pulled it away and moved off.

Back in her room, Ellie positioned the guitar and let her eyes move over it slowly. She let it rest on her lap before giving it one, single, solitary strum. But that one note echoed throughout the house. And though she couldn't see it from where she was, Joel was leaning against the wall in the hall, smiling broader than he had in twenty years.


End file.
